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18/07/2006
Dear Miss Manners. My daughter would like to invite to her wedding a friend, who happens to be homosexual, and his live-in friend. But his parents, who do not condone his lifestyle, will also attend the wedding, and I am concerned that tension may result and spoil the atmosphere. Am I wrong to suggest that my daughter invite her friend without his partner? Should I give in and hope for the best?

Gentle Reader. Let us certainly hope that no guests consider your daughter's wedding to be an appropriate arena for either condoning or condemning anyone's living arrangements. It is not nice for people to speculate on the bridal couple's private behavior, much less the wedding guests'. Surely the gentleman's parents have other occasions for expressing their attitude. Anyone concerned who feels in danger of spoiling the wedding should decline the invitation. In any case, the hosts should assume that guests will behave themselves. If your daughter otherwise sees the gentleman and his partner as a social couple, she should treat them as one on this occasion.

~Judith Martin, Miss Manners Guide for the Turn of the Millenium, 1989

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