Hide me!

Connor

I am a trans man. I was married to a straight man who is staying with me through my transition.

 

I first became aware that I wanted children when I was about 17 but we had fertility issues and it took 12 years for our girl to come along! I conceived through in vitro fertilisation (IVF) with intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI).

 

I would consider coming off hormones at some time in the future to conceive again, likely with a donor embryo.

 

As a trans man who has always experienced dysphoria* it was tough going through IVF and pregnancy. The outcome (our child) is obviously completely worth it, but if I’d had support to assert my right to have my preferred name and male pronouns used I think it would have been easier emotionally.

 

My advice? Don’t be afraid to seek help, the trans community can be a little intimidating and showing up saying you want to get pregnant can cause strong emotions – but, we are there. We are a support network and you have as much right to access that support as anybody else.

 

 

 

 

 

*NHS.uk defines gender dysphoria as a condition in which a person feels there is a mis-match between their biological sex and their gender identity.

Jay

I see myself as genderqueer, closer to male – a trans man.

 

I became aware that I wanted children around age 25 and started to think about it seriously at about 28. I now have two grown-up children, conceived with my partner of the time.

 

Basically, I was so desperate for children – but so pessimistic about finding a long-term partner – I chose the first decent-looking male as an unknowing sperm donor.

 

Low self-esteem made me very difficult to live with, and not being at all at ease in the traditional gender role of mother did not help. Still think I’d have made a better father.

 

My elder daughter was five when I found myself single again, which was extremely difficult. This forced me into thinking of my children at all times instead of trying to find stability for myself and it had a poor effect on my mental health: I am cyclothymic*. I was also prevented from coming to terms with my gender identity, which caused additional stress.

 

What helped me were happy pills, the local LGBT association, resources put online by organisations in different countries and having time to think for myself now the children are independent.

 

 

 

* Mental health charity Mind  defines cyclothymic disorder as: short periods of mild depression and short periods of hypomania.