Julie (my partner) is the only person I’ve been involved with, who I could imagine raising children with. In fact, one of the reasons I knew I was going to marry her was how incredible she is with kids.
We have always talked about it since our relationship started. We’re starting to do something about it now that we’ve returned to Canada from Scotland. We met in Canada and spent a year in Scotland so that she’d get to know my family, friends and culture in a more in-depth way.
Although I ticked ‘woman’ on my survey reponse I am a non-binary gender person, genderqueer. While Scotland has come such a long way in terms of LGBTQ rights and visibility, Canada (and Toronto more specifically) really has more LGBTQ parenting visibility and support networks already in place. We have several LGBTQ friends and acquaintances who have become parents and we can have frank and open discussions with them regarding all our concerns or fears.
We are probably going to try and conceive through a donor but right now it’s a financial impossibility. We are still discussing whether to go with an anonymous or open ID donor.
As I don’t have a desire to be the birth parent, I have struggled with the thought that the child wouldn’t feel as bonded towards me or that it wouldn’t feel like as big a part of me. However, I know now that just my intention to have a child is already determining the child we have. Had Julie not met me and had a child with someone else, then it would be a different human being altogether.
We both have felt angry at times knowing that it’s not as straightforward for us as with heterosexual couples and that we will no doubt be judged more harshly as parents by small-minded people when we’re out in public with our children, but these feelings pass and life is really too short.
Plus we have the luxury of living in a city where there are many LGBTQ parenting support networks and we have friends who are already parents.