Sarah: We’ve just gone through fertility treatment and Lucy is four months along.
Lucy: It’s a boy. My mum wanted us to have a girl because she thought it would be easier with the situation – two mums.
Sarah: We’ve been together for eight years and married for two. We started to look into it in October. We went online to look for a donor but were worried about the legal implications and issues that could arise with the donor in future. We wanted all the information to be straightforward so decided to go through a clinic.
I said to Lucy, “Why don’t you go to your doctor?”
Lucy: I hadn’t thought of that – but after all it was a medical procedure, so we did. He was really supportive.
You can have the procedure on the NHS – but you just go on a long ‘holding’ list and in reality there’s no funding – but the doctor arranged for us to have the HSG test [hysterosalpingogram] to make sure my tubes were OK and blood tests so we didn’t have to pay the clinic for things that could be done on the NHS.
At one point a gay friend at work did offer to be the donor but he changed his mind when he saw children playing in the park, so we went back to the clinic. After that it was quite quick – two months.
The doctor at the clinic itself worked for Spire IVF Scotland at Danderhall, Edinburgh. It cost £200 for a meeting with the consultant then more to see a nurse who told us everything anyway. We fed back to the clinic – it would have been better if we had seen the nurse first.
Sarah: Going through the forms, we felt completely alone but we felt that if we went through someone we knew, they’d want to co-parent. With the clinic it was all anonymous. We just had to choose a donor from information given to us – like height, skin colour, hair colour.
If our son wants to find his biological parent when he’s 18, we’ll support him.
Lucy: There were blood tests every day for a week to find out when I was ovulating. No drugs as I wasn’t infertile. My cycle was regular. The procedure itself was like a turkey baster only in a sterile environment. We were lucky as I got pregnant the first time.
Sarah: Lucy’s parents wouldn’t associate our child as being their grandchild if I carried him. The decision was as simple as that.
Lucy: We didn’t tell our parents we were going for fertility treatment so when my brother told them on Skype that the baby was already on the way, they had to come to terms with it. He told them because I was so stressed about them, I wasn’t sleeping and he said that wasn’t good for the baby. He was brilliant.
It bothers my mum a lot that she doesn’t know who the donor is but it doesn’t bother us.