The art of listening
Active listening means exactly that, listening actively. Holding space and really just listening to what a person needs to say, without judgement or trying to fix their worries or problems.
“You have to be very very careful not to force [people to take on a label or condition]. It could be that they are part of the [LGBT] community and that they are just getting to grips with their mental health, or vice versa… it’s better to let them get it out and kind of sort it out themselves with you helping them… let them get their own understanding of it… no frogmarching anyone to their own solutions!”
Active listening means that you are fully concentrated on the person who is sharing with you, rather than passively ‘hearing’ what they have to say and waiting for your turn to speak.
There are a few tips and tricks we can use to practice active listening. It is often encouraging to others to provide cues that you are there, wholeheartedly, to hear what they have to say. Some folk do this by nodding and saying ‘mmmhmm’ – this lets the person know that you are engaging with what they are saying, without interrupting their flow. There are different methods you might use, such as the SHUSH method…
The SHUSH method
This method was developed by the Samaritans and provides tips on how to be a good listener.[29] SHUSH stands for:
- S – Show you care: Focus on the other person, make eye contact, put away your phone.
- H – Have patience: It may take time and several attempts before a person is ready to open up. Try asking questions like “how are you feeling today?” and do not be afraid to “dig a little deeper when someone’s words don’t match how they are acting”.
- U – Use open questions: Use open questions that need more than a yes/no answer and follow up with questions like “Tell me more”.
- S – Say it back: Check you have understood, but do not interrupt or offer a solution.
- H – Have courage: Do not be put off by a negative response and do not feel you have to fill a silence.[30]
Footnotes
- Quote taken from a focus group with See Me and See Me Proud volunteers, hosted by Equality Network (Return to reference [28])
- Samaritans, ‘How to support someone you’re worried about’. [Accessed 08/05/2021] (Return to reference [29])
- iHASCO (2018) ‘SHUSH | Samaritans Listening Tips’. [Accessed 08/05/2021] (Return to reference [30])
