Suicide prevention
Suicide can be triggering and painful to talk about, but it is important that we do. This is because having open and frank conversations about suicide is the number one way of preventing it, and suicide is a preventable death.
Thinking about suicide is common. In Scotland, the number of people dying by suicide has increased for the last three years[53] and we know that it is an increasing threat to life within our community. The ‘taboo’ around it creates stigma and shame that can prevent people from getting support when they need it most.
Many of us will have been affected by someone ending their life and will find it hard to speak about. It is important to know that you are not alone in this, but that we can all make a difference.
In this section, we dispel some of the most common myths around suicide, explore ways to identify someone who may want to end their life, and how best to help them.
How do I know if someone is feeling suicidal?
Anyone can experience suicidal feelings or ideation. This may be more or less intense; it could last for a very short time, it could last for a very long time, or it could happen on and off.[54]
In some cases, people will be able to pinpoint and talk about a clear cause for wanting to end their life, while in others there may be no obvious reason, or it may be a combination of factors. For many within our community it has a lot to do with society, the way they are viewed or how they are treated.
It is not always possible to put feelings into words, but there are some warning signs to look out for, including:
Changes in behaviour such as: [55]
- Loss of interest in activities they used to enjoy
- Struggling to cope with everyday things
- Giving away possessions
- Excessive quietness
- Irritability, agitation, restlessness, or uncharacteristic outbursts
- Engaging in risky behaviours g., greater alcohol and/or drug use
- Suddenly seeming better or recovered after a period of depression
Physical indicators [56]
- Changes in weight
- Lack of interest in appearance
- Sleeping a lot/not enough
- Self-harming
Expressing thoughts or feelings such as:
- Hopelessness, sadness, guilt, worthlessness,[57] or feeling trapped
Words and language such as:
This is not an exhaustive list, and it could be that such changes do not indicate thoughts of suicide, or that someone is suicidal and shows none of the above changes in language or behaviour.
You must remember that if someone does complete suicide, it is not your fault.
Will talking about suicide make someone more likely to end their life?
No. This is a myth.[61] If a person is already suicidal then it is usually a huge relief for someone to recognise this and talk about it.
If a person is not suicidal, then asking them will not put the idea in their head.
If you are concerned about someone, it is always worth asking.
How do I talk to someone about whether they are suicidal?
If a person appears suicidal, ask them directly and unambiguously whether they are thinking of ending their life.
A direct question is more likely to receive a direct answer and reduces the chance of any misunderstanding. Exactly how you ask this question may depend on the person in front of you and your relationship to them, and it is important that the phrasing feels right for you.
Try avoiding saying things like “are you having dark thoughts?” or “are you thinking of doing something silly?”, and instead ask a question like:
“Sometimes, when people are feeling the way you are, they think about suicide. Is that what you’re thinking about?” [62]
“It sounds like you’re thinking about suicide, is that right?” [63]
“It sounds like life feels too hard for you right now and you want to kill yourself, is that right?”. [64]
What if someone does tell me they want to end their life?
If someone is in immediate danger or attempting suicide, call 999 or get them to their nearest A&E.
If possible, stay with them until you know they are safe.
If someone does not seem in imminent danger, and you are able to talk to them in a quiet, safe place, then try to explore their feelings more.
This may be difficult at first, and they may say things like “Why are you asking me this?” or “No-one can help me”, but it is important to show that you are asking because you care and you are worried about them, and that sometimes, just talking can help.
Active, non-judgmental and empathetic listening is an essential skill here (see our section on active listening).
You do not need to, and most likely cannot, fix the problem. What you can do is be there and listen. Try asking questions that enable someone to open up rather than to give yes or no answers. For example:
“Take your time and tell me what’s happening for you at the moment”. [65]
“It sounds as though things are really hard at the moment… Can you tell me a bit more?” [66]
Listen to the responses to the open questions you ask, and engage with what the person is saying, asking further open questions like “what happened next?”[67] or “how did that make you feel?”. Try to avoid platitudes like “cheer up” and try not to offer advice or compare their experiences to yours.
It is not your responsibility to change someone’s mind about suicide.
Try to stay calm, give the person time to talk, and take them seriously.[68]
When you feel comfortable to do so, you can provide reassurance that there is help out there.[69] Having some resources to hand and knowing where to signpost for support can help in this situation, so if you can, come prepared. You could begin a conversation about getting further support by saying:
“There are organisations that offer support like [see signposting resource below]. I can help you find their contact details”. [70]
“There is help available and we can find it together”. [71]
You could ask the person if they have a safety plan in place for when they feel suicidal. If they do, you can work through it with them. If they do not, and you feel confident to do so, you could help them make one.
To download a safety plan template and for more information on this, go to: stayingsafe.net
You cannot and should not force someone to seek help or to talk to you about suicide.
If someone does not want to speak to you about this or get help, they will let you know. By asking them directly, you will still have let them know that you are there for them and that someone cares.
Where do I get support for myself if it is affecting me?
Supporting someone who is feeling suicidal is tough. You need to get support and look after yourself (see our sections on compassion fatigue, burnout, boundaries and self-care).
You should not be alone in supporting someone through a hard time, and you should always signpost them to professional help. If you have someone you trust, you could turn to them for support, or you could call Samaritans free any time, from any phone, on 116 123.
“It’s important for you to make sure you’re okay too. It’s okay to decide that you are no longer able to help someone and to let them know you won’t be contactable for a while”.[72]
This resource includes helplines that can provide support to people experiencing poor mental health, suicidal feelings, or for anyone that needs to chat about being LGBTI and related issues.
Footnotes
- SAMH (2021) ‘Suicide prevention is central to Scotland’s mental health’. [Accessed 08/05/2021] (Return to reference [53])
- Shining A Light on Suicide, ‘Are you… Concerned about someone?’ [Accessed 08/05/2021] (Return to reference [54])
- Shining A Light on Suicide, ‘Are you… Concerned about someone?’ [Accessed 08/05/2021] (Return to reference [55])
- Shining A Light on Suicide, ‘Are you… Concerned about someone?’ [Accessed 08/05/2021] (Return to reference [56])
- Shining A Light on Suicide, ‘Are you… Concerned about someone?’ [Accessed 08/05/2021] (Return to reference [57])
- Shining A Light on Suicide, ‘Are you… Concerned about someone?’ [Accessed 08/05/2021] (Return to reference [58])
- Shining A Light on Suicide, ‘Are you… Concerned about someone?’ [Accessed 08/05/2021] (Return to reference [59])
- Shining A Light on Suicide, ‘Are you… Concerned about someone?’ [Accessed 08/05/2021] (Return to reference [60])
- Mental Health Foundation, ‘Suicide prevention: WAIT’. [Accessed 08/05/2021] (Return to reference [61])
- Papyrus UK (2017) ‘Conversation Starters’. [Accessed 08/05/2021] (Return to reference [62])
- Papyrus UK (2017) ‘Conversation Starters’. [Accessed 08/05/2021] (Return to reference [63])
- Papyrus UK (2017) ‘Conversation Starters’. [Accessed 08/05/2021] (Return to reference [64])
- Papyrus UK (2017) ‘Conversation Starters’. [Accessed 08/05/2021] (Return to reference [65])
- Papyrus UK (2017) ‘Conversation Starters’. [Accessed 08/05/2021] (Return to reference [66])
- Mind (2020) ‘Supporting someone who feels suicidal’. [Accessed 08/05/2021] (Return to reference [67])
- Mind (2020) ‘Supporting someone who feels suicidal’. [Accessed 08/05/2021] (Return to reference [68])
- Papyrus UK (2017) ‘Conversation Starters’. [Accessed 08/05/2021] (Return to reference [69])
- Papyrus UK (2017) ‘Conversation Starters’. [Accessed 08/05/2021] (Return to reference [70])
- Papyrus UK (2017) ‘Conversation Starters’. [Accessed 08/05/2021] (Return to reference [71])
- Samaritans, ‘How to support someone you’re worried about’. [Accessed 08/05/2021] (Return to reference [72])
